The first day of summer

First day of summer work. No big deal, right? Well for me it was. I had an absolutely splendid time yesterday with my sweet best friends, played frisbee and volleyball until dark, moved in my little brother. Just a wonderful day. I am so thankful. Off to bed in my new room with my precious sister as my roommate. I'm pumped about this summer.

A few things happened this week that were crazy. Because of the tornado in Oklahoma, my church is having a last minute mission trip to Moore to help alongside of an organization we believe in. Pastor Neil mentioned this in second service at church and it immediately caught my attention. I prayed over it all through the service and as we walked into the lobby, I made a bee line to the information desk to sign up. God would make this happen if it was right. I immediately started sending out emails to get the weekend plans taken care of. Babysitting at church all day Saturday and then finding out if I would be able to get off early two hours early on Friday to leave out with the group that afternoon. One email came back with an excited "No problem, do what is on your heart, girlie!" and another came back a little more stressed. New work station, new bosses, new stresses.

All in all, I was pretty nervous about going to work today. Nervous falling asleep didn't help, and as the nightmares raged, I woke up to unfamiliar sounds. Alarms. Alarms were going off all around me, and I couldn't tell what was going on. I squinted to catch a glimpse of the clock which read 4:30am. Hair still damp from crawling in bed around midnight and body aching from the workout I had done the morning before, I jumped down out of my bed and looked outside. "Those aren't for us, are they?", I asked to Christi. Well they were. RA's were running down the hall, out of breath and yelling, "Wake up, the alarms are going off!" as they banging on the doors on our floor. Christi and I grabbed a pillow, our keys, and headed down the emergency route to the outside world with 100+ other girls. And there we sat, all half asleep and confused as to what had jolted us from sleep.

The alarms had malfunctioned, and randomly going off. We were instructed to proceed as if it were a fire emergency. Then the lightning came. A storm blew in, rain coming down on 100+ girls, as security scrambled to get a building opened up. Thankfully, one of my sweet friends, Hillary and her roommate invited us to take refuge in their car, so we held up in there until the alarms were turned off and we were given the all clear.

Nice way to start your first day of summer. Christi and I came back to our rooms and I tried to get a few minutes of sleep before my alarm went off at 5:50. I did, and then Christi and I got started on some "pop-Pilates" which should be known as killer, because I have never been this sore in my life.  We did our workout, grabbed coffee, and got ready for the day. We met Stephen outside and went to breakfast, then shortly thereafter it was time for us all to start something new: Christi training, Stephen work at college, and a new workstation for me.

This summer I am incredibly blessed to work in Christian Ministries while I cross train to take over the position as Camp Lookout Office Coordinator. I have incredibly bosses, and I am so excited about it. I worked 11 hours today, since I didn't work yesterday, and at $18 an hour, you don't want to be down any. At least I don't. Long day, but a good day. I am looking forward to a summer of a little more relaxation than the last. And you will most likely be getting a letter or two from me, as I have a lot more free time at work that I can use to catch up with you all.

Tomorrow is a new day, and also a 12 shift.

Blessings and peace,

Bethan

A Time for Reflection

I watched a lovely movie with Christi and Hillary tonight, and it left me feeling very quiet and lonely. I was thinking tonight over the past year and how much is changed. The Lord has done so much in my life. How different I thought that things would be, and somehow I am completely content in those things. Tonight, remember to reflect on the new things in your life, and remember to praise God for His never ending mercy. 

Love and peace, 

Bethan

Take some time to enjoy life

Smile! The Lord is good!

Hey friends,

I had a pretty lovely day. Well, today was hard and frustrating, but it was lovely because I made it so by having a better attitude. Today in math class my professor called me out and threatened to throw chalk at me because I answered a banking problem incorrectly. That was nice. Then at work I made my mashed potatoes too salty so I had to wash them all down the drain. But guess what? The Lord is full of grace. My supervisors were precious about it and understood, and my math teacher is just.. my math teacher. Only half a semester more with him, Lord willing!

I got off, came back to run out to the Mac lab and cram out (Not really cram, it's not due until Monday..) a Photoshop project (SO much fun! I love my major!!) and then back to the room to realize that I have lost my wallet. I'm praying it is in my car in the freshy lot, but I can't check until Friday.. :-/ Christi let me borrow her car tonight and Justice, Baily, and I took the night off and went to Olive Garden for dinner. On the way over, I fought myself about spending the money on food, since food is something that is gone in a few minutes and doesn't actually amount to anything long-term. But then I realized that I never take a night off mid-week and spend money on good, quality food!

Tonight was so, so good. I laughed more than I have in months, and thoroughly enjoyed time with my best friends. It was wonderful to forget about classes and the school stress. I am so thankful for my friends here and that I was able to do this tonight with them. `

I have a Spanish test in the morning, a Graphic Arts quiz at 2, and an interview for Camp Lookout at 3:15 tomorrow! I would love, love, love to have your prayers covering me throughout the day. I know the Lord will provide. I will be thankful when this week is past. <3 nbsp="" p="">
I'd better go get some studying in before bed.
Love,
Elizabeth

Hold Onto the Ones You Love

Elizabeth Martin

College Comp 1

1/24/13

Hold Onto the Ones You Love

It was a hot July afternoon just two days before the 4^th of July. My mother picked up her phone and answered with a sweet “Hey, Amy! How are you?” However, her tone quickly changed from happiness to concern. Something was wrong, I could tell. My mother and my oldest sister Amy have been best friends for years and know each other better than almost anyone. It was our family get-together at my grandparents’ home in St. Louis. We were all having a wonderful day and enjoying being around each other for the first time in several months. Amy was unable to make it to the get-together because her husband was out of town and she didn’t want to make the trip alone with Gary, her eight-month-old son.  I was in my grandmother’s kitchen listening to one side of my mother’s phone conversation. I anxiously stood by her side asking questions as she shushed me so she could hear my sister.  My mother finished the phone call with Amy, and she let us know that my brother-in-law, Brandon, was taking Amy to Urgent Care to check out the spider bite she had gotten several weeks prior. They had just moved into their new home in Columbia, MO and they were dealing with some insect issues. After my mother told me what was going on, I ran off to continue enjoying the time with my cousins, trying not to think about the situation too much.            

We arrived home that evening and my mother’s concern had grown more considerable. It was late, nearing midnight, as she packed herself and my sister Emma into the car to head to Columbia. “They want to keep her overnight, now. The doctor is running some tests to try and

Martin 2

see if he can get more information about why she is feeling so poorly,”  my mother said, as she rushed out the door. What was happening to my life? An unsettling feeling weighed heavy as I drifted off to sleep that night.

The next morning began a whirlwind of activities. We were all piling into the car to head to church when my dad announced that we would be going to Columbia to see my sister at the hospital. Some news had come in, and Dad wanted to get there as quickly as possible. The drive was long, about an hour and a half, from our home. We arrived at the hospital and I was feeling nervous and anxious about the entire ordeal. The news eventually came out from my parents that my sister was sick. Very sick now, but it was about to get even worse. That morning Dr. Perry, as well as seven other hospital personnel, came in to deliver the news of my sister’s cancer: Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, known simply as AML. As you can imagine, my entire family broke down and begged for God’s mercy on my sweet sister. I remember that day I wore a heart necklace that my sister had given me, and I held onto it that afternoon at the park where my family quietly ate our picnic lunch. Trying to take in all of the changes that were about to take place and searching through my head how this even happens. They always say you never really think about cancer until it becomes reality for someone close to you. The next several months were a whirlwind. My mother stayed by my sister’s side each and every day of her illness, my family moved to Columbia for about a month during the first several chemo treatments, and my other sisters and I went into “mom” mode and took care of Gary full time. The switchover from being a child of twelve to being up at two in the morning with an eight-month-old was difficult. They say that people have an event in their lives that changes them from a child into an adult.

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That day in the hospital was that event for me. Everything changed. Yes, there were still the stupid fits that I would throw as a teen girl going through puberty, but overall, I changed significantly that 3^rd day of July.

This journey continued on for another fourteen months. I lived in Columbia as a nanny to Gary with my other sisters for just over two years. My sister was in and out of the hospital for treatments. She was in the hospital more than she was home, but the times she got to come home were incredibly precious. She received a bone marrow transplant in November of 2006 with the help of my brother as the donor. I remember the news of her relapse the following February and her response. “We are heartbroken. This is not the news we wanted to hear. We wanted to raise our son, to grow old together, but God has different plans for our family. And as much as we don't understand them right now, we know that He is sovereign over this as well. Please pray for us, and for my family especially. My part in all of this is rather easy. I get to die and be with my Savior in glory. I get to miss out on all the suffering this world holds. It is my family who bears the grief and the pain day in and day out. It is for them that my heart breaks.  Hold your loved ones a little closer for me today. Live life a little more -- wear your dressy clothes around the house just because life is really short and stains don't really matter.

Don't get impatient about the little things. 

Someday we'll understand why.”

My sister passed away just seven months later. They had decided to proceed with a second bone marrow transplant, even though there was only a five percent chance of it working. I was my sister’s second donor. Five days before she passed away, I was in the hospital for the necessary

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tests and medical meetings with her doctors. Amy contracted a fungal pneumonia that was too much for her sick body to endure. Amy made the decision to have the oxygen turned off late Monday afternoon, on September 10^th, 2007. Something that strongly inspired me was my sister’s ministry throughout her illness. She kept up with a blog that was read by people from all around the world. People would leave comments telling Amy that her faith caused them to think about spiritual things for the first time in many years. Amy’s faith and love of the Lord has inspired me to live my life for Christ and to use each day to show His love through my life.

Through my sister’s journey I experienced my own. This journey brought me to see my life in an entirely different manner. It taught me to appreciate each moment in my life even when that moment is uncomfortable for me. Through this journey, God has refined my life in many ways but especially by revealing that His grace and mercy cover all of my shortcomings.

Now when I look back, I have no idea how I managed to become a full-time mom with my sisters for Gary. I see now that it was entirely God’s grace and mercy, because I certainly was not strong enough to take that on. Gary and I were extremely close and he taught me so much in those two years. Gary and his dad moved away in 2009 to their home in Arizona. I miss him more than most people understand, but I know that God is watching over him. I pray that someday Gary sees and understands his mommy’s journey.

I am so thankful that God put this situation in our lives, even though it meant the loss of my sister. The work that God has done in lives all around the world is beautiful, and I know that Amy is thrilled to have been God’s messenger in this way.

Sunday evening thoughts

Hey all, 

I was thinking today about the week I had last week, and the week I am heading into. Tests every day but Tuesday and I'm just a tiny bit stressed out. Or I was... My sister posted this quote on my wall and it was incredibly encouraging: 
"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control." - Crazy Love

Ponder that quote throughout your next couple of days. It seemed like as soon as I saw that, I was surrounded  by reminders of my stressful attitudes. Today it was hammered in a little bit more at church. While this hurts, I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes to my sin in the way of stress. What a merciful Lord we serve. 

I'm going along with the previous post and taking some me time tonight. While I do have a huge Marketing test tomorrow at 9am, I'm going to leave that up to you guys to pray me through and take some time tonight to rest. I haven't studied as much as I should, but hey.. I studied a ton for the last one and I didn't exactly do awesome on it. So I've just given into it and I'm going to do my best and think through it. Memorizing for those tests never helps... Except for those five steps in order. Err... maybe I should study those after I get off. :) 

I got completely off topic. This weekend has been lovely. I spent most of Saturday at church babysitting, and all of this morning at church for worship, then again this evening at church babysitting. This weekend has been filled with the beautiful reminders of the way kids view life, and I needed that. I'm t-minus three weeks until I get to go home and be with my family for spring break. (YES!!!) But I was thinking today about how much I wish away the days. Tomorrow I'm already wishing to be over because of that test and an interview. But guess what? Tomorrow is a day I can give completely to the Lord! I can praise His beautiful name and share His love with students all over this campus. I don't have to be grumpy. I don't have to be stressed. My day can be wonderful and filled with as much happiness that I am willing to throw in. 

Friday I came back from Pure Joy and walked in the door giggling at my best friends happiness. I told them some news and I quickly turned the light happy mood into frustration and stress. That hit me like a brick and I broke down crying when one of my friends approached me about it. Then it came out--I have been punishing myself for some past sin. I have pushed myself into thinking that I DESERVE to suffer, and that is a lie that satan wants me to believe. I cried it out and praised the Lord for His mercy in revealing this to me. It was a big deal for me, and maybe this comment about it will help you to see that whatever you may be going through, God is NOT EVER using it to punish you. That has already been paid on the cross! I may have totally screwed up, but because of a repentant heart and the mercy our Lord shows, I am CLEAN of it ALL. There isn't any bit of it that He is looking in disgust at and saying "She needs to go through xyz because of this!!" We serve a God of so much grace and mercy. Rest in that. 

I love you guys. I know I have become distant here at school, but I love and think of you all often. I pray you are resting in His grace this evening, and if you are not, that some bit of this helped you to find that grace. 

Love, 
Elizabeth 

Quiet Time

It's been forever...

I was lying on my roommates bed trying not to completely break down crying and trying to vent what was on my heart. I decided to vent it on here, because that is, after all, where I so often used to.

My schedule this semester is challenging. I'm taking 19 credit hours, but they might as well be 21 since I am taking 7 classes. They like to tell you that one credit classes aren't that hard. They lie, I promise. You still do just as much work for a one credit class as you do a three credit class.

My schedule is as follows:
Elementary Spanish 8:00 MWF
Principles of Marketing 9:00 MWF
Accounting 1 10:00 MWF
Lifetime Wellness 11:00 MW
Intro into Graphic Arts 2:00 MWF

Mathematical Inquiry 8-9:30 TR
Composition 1 9:30-11:00 TR

Work:
11-4 TR
A weekend:
Friday 11-1:45
Saturday 6-11:30 (Lately it has been 6-1:30 because of the amount of work needed done)
Sunday 6-11:30

So writing that down, that doesn't seem like too much. But add in convocations, club events, projects for class, chapel, ARTOS, and off campus work it get's overwhelming.

Silly me. Last semester I thought I'd be set for this semester. "Oh I can easily take seven classes, work off campus, and be more involved this semester." Well my semester may have been a little more easy if I had gotten that job I was so set on where I could spend 15 hours a week on the clock studying for those seven classes. But God didn't want me in that position, so I stayed at work. Physically and emotionally draining work.. What had I gotten myself into?

A lot of hardships. I'm on week six of the semester. Just three weeks away from midterms and I am panicking with the amount to be done. So much that I'm finally getting to the point of this post:

I have made myself to believe that quiet time, resting time, any time that I have extra outside of class and work is homework time. I study constantly. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, 12:30-1:50, 3-9:0 Tuesdays and Thursdays, 4:30-9:30. Last semester I was happy about the fact that my work schedule was changing to working later in the day so I wouldn't be up at 5am anymore. That's not how things worked out. I am up almost every day at five studying. Two weeks ago, five hours of studying went to Accounting alone.

Today I got back from a hard morning, and saw a note from my roommate. "Try and make some quiet time for you and God today, I'm praying for you. James 1:2-3". I started crying, frustratingly thinking, "I can't! All I have time for is studying!!" Then God decided it was a great time for learning. Sometimes, in the midst of your busy semester, you have to stop. I have put my semester above God. Thinking if I just do good on that test or quiz, it'll be ok and I'll be stronger. Just to find out that I have been starving myself of the ONE and ONLY thing that *will* make me stronger! I associated any time not spent studying as myself being lazy and being a bad person. When taking a break to breathe and rest in the Lord and in His word is just what I need. How can I get stronger if I do not have these things?

I cannot.

Here is my prayer: Lord, please help me. Please show me that taking time to dive into Your word and breathe and rest in you is not being lazy. Help me learn to study better outside of the time I spend resting in You. Help me to learn to be more attached and in love with You. Help me, Father. I have no more strength in my own body.

Love,
Elizabeth

As of Late

Hello dear ones,

I am sorry for such a lack of postings over the summer. My summer was pretty swamped and so much has happened. I am home today, as I am on Tuesdays and Thursday so I can get as much school in as I can while still working. Work has been pretty stressful, and as I am into my work and care a lot about the company I work for, I deal with it all the time. I am praying for the company and the positions that we are in right now. That by His grace, things will be good and that we will make it through this rough patch. God is bigger than these problems and people- I know that He is.

The 10th passed by this last Saturday. It started out pretty rough. But in the end, we all had a good day and a nice time together. I am still sad that even now, some people still need the attention and how they do things towards us in order to get that. I pray for their souls and relationships.

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed this morning. I have so much to do, and no time to get it all done. I have to buckle down and work, work, work for as far as I can see. Some days I just get overwhelmed and long for heaven so much. I think this morning is one of those mornings.

I know that being this stressed is not good for me at all. For the first part stress and worry IS SIN. IT is sin over, and over, and over again, no matter way you look at it. God is handling everything just the way it needs to be handled, and in a beautiful way that brings Him the glory! Why should I want anything other? Well, because I am a human. Because I want things that make ME happy, and that make ME feel good. But that is not what I want, by God's grace. I want HIM to be glorified and HIM to be praised. Stress affects me physically, as well. Normally I break out with a virus or get sick to my stomach and lose my appetite for several days, but this time, it broke out with Strep B, which resulted in 104 degree fevers on the way home from AR last weekend. Mama took me in to the dr. last Tuesday and they didn't know what was wrong with me until they sent the results out. Mama found out that Strep B stays in your system forever if you have it, but it also flares in various ways-- my stress is the flare cause and so that is why I have been getting sick so much. I was down for about 5 days with that, but I am doing better now and back at work again. I am thankful for God's provision in these things.

Even as I sit here on the couch on this beautiful morning, I can see all of the beauty that Christ is working this morning. My stress level is lower already after prayer and meditation on Him, writing here, and some issues at work being almost resolved.

Please pray, friends. I need it so much right now.

I love you all so very, very much.

Elizabeth Kara

Journal entries

Reading some from my journals. I have been missing Amy a lot the past couple of days as September continues to creep closer marking the 4 year anniversary of her death.

Date: Monday, September 10th, 2007

Page number: 6

Journal: 6

Hey,

Sorry I didn't write more yesterday. I had it in the games bag and we left for the zoo and when we came back nobody brought it in o I didn't get to write. When we were leaving for the zoo, we saw Harli, Harla, and Gary coming out of Applebee's so we invited Harli to come along. She did and sat by me and Christi in the van. She's really quiet so we didn't talk much, only when I brought up a conversation

Page number: 7

Date: Continued

topic. Like, do you like this animal? or do you want to see any certain animals? Emma and Daniel took us to the zoo. Dad dropped us off. Amy was doing a bit better by 9 last night. Her breathing has slowed down into the lower 30's instead of high 30's early 40's. We left around 9 and got dinner at McDonalds. Late dinner. :P We got home around 11:30 and went to bed. I'll write later.

Love, Lizzie<3

Page number: 8

Date: after lunch

Hey,

Right now everybody's watching Star Wars. It came in Blockbuster so that's why we're watching it. I'm all finished with my school except with Math. Oooh! I hate math! I have to do three lessons to make up for Thursday and Friday. I think that I'll work on one right after I finish writing. Hopefully I'll get it all done! I need to otherwise I'll just keep putting it off and I'll never finish my Math. I'll write later.

Love, Lizzie<3

Page number: 9

Date: Mid afternoon

Hey,

I finished doing two lessons of Math. Now all I have to do is one more! :) Yeah! I'll do that one while we all watch Arthur. I'm tired. Emma said that Amy wasn't doing good this morning. Brandon stayed the night at the hospital. Lord, Please heal Amy, Please! Make her all better so she can be a mommy for Gary. Please Lord, please! Maker her all better! Please...

Love, Lizzie<3

Can I Be Honest

What if I spoke w/ complete honest-ness
What if told you that I've broken some promises
I dealt with pride ever since a little kid
I've comprised and I've doubted like Thomas did
I can't hide though he sees the way I live
Every single time I told every little fib
I can't deny cause he's already knowing this
But to my wife I regret the time that I've missed
I've been on the road when I really should've been home
Been on the phone and took calls I should've left alone
I shouldn't have done that see I want you to know
I should've been with you then out trying to get dough
I still got issues that's hard to let go
Still got some bitter situations with a few folks
Still got a temper that I work hard to control
I gotta remember your standard that's the goal

Can I be honest?
Can I be real?
Would they still just to how I feel?
But if I was honest ?
If I was real?
Would they even care about how I feel?
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/k/kj_52/can_i_be_honest.html ]
I've wanted to get back at those who tried to doubt me
I've wanted to hit back every time they tried to clown me
I've said some things about those that tried to down me
I've been too hard on some people that's been around me
I'm a workaholic addicted to the game
Plus sometimes I've been addicted to the fame
I look deep inside things that I'm ashamed
Still the little kid conflicted still in pain
I'm so grateful when I think though how you found me
I used to be hateful of everything that's around me
I'm so thankful of the way that you still surround me
So shameful yet you love me still confounds me
See I've put myself first
I've gone days sometimes without reading your word
I've acted like a huge jerk
Yet you still love me that's the thing that I've learned

Sometimes I dumb down to sell a few records
Didn't do it though just to get a little cheddar
But looking back I could've made some of my songs better
Hindsight is 20/20 so I'm like whatever
But I regret some of my broken relationships
No matter how hard I've tried to just make em fit
And I don't blame myself and I'm not blaming them
But too many up in my life have just came and went
I'm not perfect I serve a God who is
I serve a God who lives who says that I'm his kid
When I shoot for the mark but I shoot and miss
I serve a God who gives a new start and he forgives
And takes every thing I ever did
Then he throws it in the sea of forgetfulness
See I'm just being honest I hope your getting this
Cuz he's my promise the reason that I live

Crashing Down

These back steps are steeper to the ground
The brightest stars are falling down
I’m walking the edge, walking the tightest rope
We can be frank, reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane
I’m over the bridge and under the rain
If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way
What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for, if it’s just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down
These four walls are closing in on me
The talk is louder than I’ll sing
I want to be there, want to be where you are
but you know it all, Every look and smile that aren’t meant to break
I’m over the bridge and under the rain
If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way
What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for, if it’s just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down
And you say that everything is different, why don’t we just hold on
And you say that everything is different, why don’t we just hold on
Crashing down

-Mat Kearney

"Praise Him! Praise Him! Tell of His excellent greatness"

Hi friends,

I wanted to get a post in here. I miss writing. My blog has become my journal in a lot of ways. Which makes me sad because I'm not writing it down in my journal, but at the same time, I'm writing it down *somewhere*, so that's good.

The past few days have been pretty crazy for me. Christ is continuing to break down on my self reliance, and it hurts a lot. See I had this thought- this thought that I would have it easy after the ACT was over because I wouldn't have to study.

Apparently laziness was on the agenda, too.

I found out on Monday that I needed to get a new Quickbooks' file to Kim and that I needed to get it ASAP. I avoided it until I came in on Tuesday, then found out that I was going to need to enter all of the transactions from the end of September to the end of December. Do you know how many that is?

Well it's actually a lot.

So I pretty much told my boss that I hated him and then went for a walk to pray.

Then got the number down to 299 and decided to call it a night and go spend some time with A. and her family. I had a very lovely time.

Then it was Wednesday.

Wednesday almost beat Monday.

So it started off really, really well. I prayed about the day a lot, spent a lot of time focusing on getting things done, making them run as smoothly as possible. Especially since my boss was going to be gone from the start of the day until around 2.

I went in with a great attitude, jumped on the pile of things to do, and saw the bottom of the pile quickly. It was starting off beautifully. I started off with cleaning, then got the orders printed, sorted, specs taken down and put up for Josh, called Josh to ask him to come in an hour early, got all of the computers that Josh needed out and ready for him to get ready to ship, took care of some tasks that my boss had asked me to do, etc. Ben got there, Josh got there, and then Issac got there five minutes late. I was just about to click the send button on the phone to "yell" at him for not being there yet.

Ben got started on the things he needed to do on the website, Josh got started on the computer, and Isaac got sent out the door to do a service call in St. James.

I'm telling you, I was on top of things.

Ha. Then Isaac got back, Ben needed passwords I didn't have so I had to text Mike and ask him for them, Josh started having problems with acronis, Isaac didn't know which computers to start on, and the calls went out to Mike. But then they calmed down, I got down to around 150 transactions, finished entering all of the checks, went and got packing peanuts and stopped at Staples to get a few things. I got back and the day started to fall apart.

Which I can't tell you this part. But something bad happened and we didn't loose, but we didn't gain.

Fail. Fail. Fail.

It wasn't my fault, but I was there when it unfolded which is in itself, enough.

I wanted to puke, I finished up things before lunch, took a call from my boss about how things were going, got him feeling a little bit better after the disaster, told Isaac that I was actually *going* to puke if I didn't eat lunch, and then left to have it.

The afternoon went as follows:

Called A.

A. returned the call.

Drank an orange soda.

Sat out in the shade with my feet in the sun while I talked to A.

Got a call from my Mama that exposed some sick information and was scared for the afternoon.

Told A. said information about a certain person I used to see three days a week.

Wanted to sob.

Ended lunch break.

Tried to get Josh moving on computers because we needed to be moving FASTER.

Tried to do more QB and failed.

Watched my boss walk in the door.

Prepared myself for the horrible afternoon that was about to unfold.

Made the deposit.

Didn't want to come back from doing the deposit.

Watched Josh get "talked" to about the slow progress.

Watched Isaac get "talked" to about the slow progress.

Wanted to go home.

Watched a mess up unfold that had to do with Josh.

Wanted to go home.

Tried to think of something to make it better.

Failed.

Watched my stress level go up to 900. ("And my cholesterol went up to 900!")

Got an apology from my boss for causing my stress level to go up to 900.

Watched my boss apologize to Josh for getting upset with him.

Did something that I don't remember

Watched Josh leave for the day for not making enough progress.

Watched Isaac leave for the day since he was leaving at 3am for Iowa.

Cracked down on the orders and knocked out over half of them with my boss.

Got the boxes out the door for the FedEx drivers. (Julie is AWESOME.)

Found out about an order mistake.

Got bad feedback on Amazon from said mistake. (Which is now gone, because as soon as we caught it, we got with the customers *right* away and they were really happy.)

Packed.

Packed.

Packed.

Packed.

Got a call from A.

Packed.

Packed.

Packed.

Made 23,000 shipping labels.

Enjoyed getting to have A. come.

Put said shipping labels on the boxes.

Cleaned.

Watched A. clean.

Watched A. try to fix the shredder that I broke.

Watched my boss laugh at A. for trying to fix that failure of a shredder.

Said goodnight to my boss.

Tried to fix the shredder with A.

Went to Radio Shack with A.

Went to KFC for dinner with A. At like 8:45.

Went to Walmart.

Saw the Hamachers.

Went to the gas station with A.

Went to get the car at work.

Said goodbye to A.

Went and got gas for the car.

Drove home and chatted with my Mama.

Arrived home safely and went to sleep.

So the point of that was to show you in a weird way how my day unfolded. But the reason for showing you that was to show you God's huge mercy.

My day started out with Christ. It had Christ in the middle. It ended with Christ.

He is with me always and forever. Even when my stress level was up to 900 and I wanted to be done with it, He was there and holding me safe.

He loves me *so* much. He protected me from so many things. He blessed in *so* many ways.

So even though your day may or may not have been rough, Jesus is there. Just like always, and making things work according to His will.

Have a beautiful weekend, friends. Enjoy His love and praise Him forever.

Elizabeth

A... Monday. Just a Monday

ASJfkBF!

Today was yucky.

I think that I'm glad it's never going to be here again.

Mostly because I was in *such* a horrible mood the entire day, and therefore, it doesn't need to come back.

I hate my sick little sinner of a self. I don't know why today was bad, and that's most of the horrid part. I hate not understanding why I feel like that.

Wait a minute.

I felt like I did because I'm a sinner. I'm so self-centered, I'm *exhausted*, I'm feeling pressure, I'm tired of the daily grind, I'm tired of messing up and forgetting. I'm just *me*.

And sometimes I get really sick of myself. Which is unfortunate for those around me because I spend the entire time fighting myself.

I was dead by 9 this morning. 8:45, actually. I kept looking at my computer clock- wishing it was noon so I could leave and have some quiet time for an hour.

Ha. Three and a quarter hour away.

So I jumped the gun and told my boss that I needed five minutes. Which turned into more than forty five minutes, because I walked out the door just as the sky was turning black. I went to the tunnel by TJ and paced back and forth, back and forth for the entire time. It poured, it hailed, it'd was misty and windy, and I got fresh air and quiet time.

I was telling a friend in a note that I think God gave me that storm. My heart was so heavy and in need of so much prayer. I sat in the tunnel, trying to think of what was wrong with me, what I wanted, where I wanted to go.

But you know the truth of my hearts desires? My heart desires Christ. Because He saved me and works in me each day. Even when my days are full of so much selfishness, He is using that to teach me *so* much. What was wrong with me? Sin. What did I want? Christ. Where did I want to go? To heaven.

My heart aches to be done. But I don't get to be the one who decides that.

Sadly, my day didn't get better. I went back inside, ignored communication and eye contact as much as I could while still working, and just barely passed the day. Sometimes God doesn't show you why you're in such a crummy mood during it.

Oh wait- if He did, then you wouldn't be in a crummy mood.

So friends, pray for my aching heart. Pray that I will rest in Christ alone. He is my strength, not myself. He is every desire my heart longs for.

I love you all so very much. You're so dear to me.

Elizabeth

Well that was depressing.

So I just sort of took the practice test.

Ha.

What a joke.

Now I'm seeing the whole, "I'm freaking out because I am sooo not prepared" part of this dumb test. It was humbling, I can give it that.

I hate standardized tests. Hate them. The point of education to me is learning, and when they cram you under time restraints it doesn't fly with me. Now I'm to the point of shutting out everyone in my life and studying for the next week and a half.

Oh wait.

That won't work.

I have to go to work. And not just going in at 8 and leaving at 5 or whatever, it means, every single day I'm thinking about it, checking my work email and doing things from home, checking out online sales, checking up on customers who haven't paid, doing customer service emails, requesting feedback, dealing with bad feedback, doing Quickbooks. Oh wait, I get to take the ACT AND be under a "We're starting fresh so have it done by the end of the week" deadline. Translation: every bit of money that has gone in and out since January one is put in to our Quickbooks and I have to go through and match every transaction, make sure it's in the correct account, try and figure out what certain downloaded names are so I know what to put them under, go through bank statements, and then deal with the other part of work that I mentioned above. With my boss chiming in every fifteen minutes with something new that needs to be done.

This is when you get to laugh and think about how reality has to show up once day. I know. But that doesn't mean it doesn't stink.

This is when I want to ask what the purpose is. I mean, if I sit down and think about it, I KNOW what the purpose is. Because the purpose in every situation is to bring the glory to God. Not to me.

So I'm sitting here and having a breakdown about everything that's going on in my life and wondering how I'm going to make it through the next two weeks.

It's simple.

God will provide. He is all and completely everything I need. If I totally botch this test, HE is bigger. He knows. He uses things as lessons. He *loves* me. I hate sin. It causes so much junk. I'm such a sinner and when I sit down and see how truly sick and disgusting I really am, it hurts. I'm so prideful and selfish and when God shows me that He's bigger, better, and is all I need, it means that my pride gets shoved to the back. Which is the best thing, but that's not to say that it doesn't hurt like crazy.

I'm seventeen years old. I'm not perfect or anywhere near it. I'm not going to have it all together or under control. I wouldn't, even if I was the at the "perfect" maturity. I only get anywhere in Christ alone. Because He is my light, my strength, my song.

Listening to this song again.

Oh

I just wanna be/I just wanna be
Closer to Your heart/You will find me there
Everything I am/It’s because of You
It’s because of You/And now, we sing
Tonight/I’m giving You all of me
Tonight/I let go of everything
Tonight/I’m giving You all of me
Tonight/Tonight/Tonight
I give You all of me

Verse 1:
(Flame)
Let’s pray
Dear Father in the name/Of Your holy Son
I desire like Jesus/Prayed for us to be one
I desire to give/I desire to serve
I desire to love/Others with more than my words
Bless me to be humble/Bless me to be meek
I want to be a joy/When people come around me
Give me a gentle spirit/Bless me to be content
Please keep me from my sin/Let me quickly repent
Please give me discipline/Give me self control
To know when to stop/And when to say no
Make me a bold witness/Please remove fear
Replace it with faith/Pour out Your spirit here
Fill me up Lord/Let me overflow
Let me overdose/Make me holy/Keep me close
I want to give it all/Until there’s none left
But I can’t beat You givin'/Look at Your Son’s death

Blessings to you.

Bethan

Happy Birthday

Today Amy would have been 30. <3

My day was wonderful. Just. ah. God is sooo cool.

Normal day of work. A bit stressful, but God has been smoothing things out so nicely for me. I love my job so much.

After work Abby came. We hung out and laughed with the guys for about a half and hour, went to grab the pizza, and then came out and had a "dysfunctional family dinner". :) Ha. I love those people.

Isaac had to get back to work, and Mike, being himself, didn't really get involved. Because, just... eh. That's him. Abby and I sat and talked for a couple of hours, Mike occasionally chimed in until he left.

Then guess what? My brother showed up. Abby had gone ahead and told me because he was late and she thought that he just didn't have time to stop by, but then he called her and said that he was and she felt SO bad for telling me. I almost started *sobbing*. No one ever surprises me like that, and Abby arranged for him to come by and see me on Amy's birthday. :')

So in short- Today was beautiful. God amazes me with how he takes care of me. I am so crazy blessed.

Happy 30th birthday, Ame. You are my hero. I can't wait to see you.

Love,

Your Bethan. <3

This week

"Just so you know, this week is going to be a crappy week for me. I reserve the right for me to have one the first week of June and the entire month of September. K?

Actually, I am *really* fighting against that. But if I'm not ok, it's because you don't have a clue what's going on.

*cheesy smile*

You're welcome."

I hate when I send emails and then wish I hadn't. Ugh.

This week is an Amy week, and tonight spending time reading her bebo blog and missing her so much that my heart is aching, I reacted quickly and sent that email to my boss.

Ha. You guys are probably totally and completely thrown off by the weird friendship that I have with my boss and co-worker, Isaac. They're becoming more like brothers the more I work with them, and my heart aches to minister to them. Pray for them, friends. They need Christ so much. Pray that Christ will give me boldness of speech to witness to them.

Listening to some pretty great music tonight.

"I desire like Jesus/Prayed for us to be one
I desire to give/I desire to serve
I desire to love/Others with more than my words
Bless me to be humble/Bless me to be meek
I want to be a joy/When people come around me
Give me a gentle spirit/Bless me to be content
Please keep me from my sin/Let me quickly repent
Please give me discipline/Give me self control
To know when to stop/And when to say no
Make me a bold witness/Please remove fear
Replace it with faith/Pour out Your spirit here
Fill me up Lord/Let me overflow
Let me overdose/Make me holy/Keep me close
I want to give it all/Until there’s none left
But I can’t beat You givin'/Look at Your Son’s death"

I love how God gives just the right song when you need some encouragement. He's so very awesome.

I hope you have a good week. Amy's birthday is Wednesday. What would have been her 30th. I was thinking today what her birthday party would be like. I want to know how she would have reacted to her 30th. Obviously differently if she had beaten the leukemia, but still, I want to know. Missing her so very much tonight, and I'm anxiously looking forward to the day I get to be glorifying God in heaven with her.

Have a joyful heart in the Lord.

Blessings,

Bethan Kara

Morning, friends!

I hope you're having a beautiful Wednesday. Mine has started off really nicely. This morning I fried bacon and an egg and had some toast with it. Now I'm making some White Chocolate Chip Cookies. Oh yum. It's an Ymker recipe and ooooh-sooo yummy. I'm going to take a plate to work with me this afternoon.

I hope all of you stayed safe after last night's storm. God blessed my family once again with safety. Monday it got pretty scary here for them, and Mama ended up taking the brothers to the basement. A lot of trees or branches came down, and I'm so thankful that they were ok. God is so very good to keep us safe through all of these storms. Another batch is coming through today.

I need to pick some flowers to take into work. Yesterday I bought my boss a cactus, but that doesn't count as flowers, so I need to go for a walk and find some wildflowers. I know Spiderworts are blooming right now-- I should go find some.

I got some photos developed to go on my desk. I absolutely love, love, love them. I got two of Amy-one of Amy and Gray, one of just her, one of Paige-girl, and a sunflare picture from one of the photoshoots that I had with some of my sisters. <3 I'm leaving early so I can run by Walgreens to see if I can find a frame(s) for them. I'm leaving in about an hour, so I should start getting ready soon. As soon as the cookies are done, and the flowers are found. I feel like wearing a skirt today, but I'm dressing up on the 1st, so I'll skip today.

Mama just left for a dentist appt. and I need to do the dishes that I've managed to pile everywhere this morning. (Mrs. M would be proud, right, Justine?)

Please have a beautiful day and enjoy your family. My biggest sis would want you to.

Love to you,

LizzieKara

Mondays

Bwhahaha. You won't believe what happened today. It's been *quite* the Monday for me. :D

So I get to work at 7. Sometimes my boss is already there, sometimes he's not. So today he wasn't, so I just did what I always do, and went on in.

Only this time the alarm started to go off. It's never gone off before, since either Mike has been there already, or he's forgotten to set it. Well he remembered to set it this morning.

"Oh crap."

So I called Mike. No answer.

Called Isaac. No answer. Called Isaac again. No answer.

Central Security calls. "Is everything ok there?" "Yes, everything is fine. I just got here before my boss, and I didn't know the alarm was set. You can call him: *enter phone number here*" "Password." "I don't know the password, my boss always takes care of it." "Password." "No, Mike knows the password, he's just not here right now. You can call him, though. He'll give it to you." "Alright, we'll call him."

So I went on with my morning, got the vacuum out, called Mama to let her know that I had gotten there safely, told her the story, and then started to vacuum. Then the police walked in.

"Oh did they not get a hold of Mike?!"

Obviously not.

So they looked at my i.d., checked things out a bit, I called Mike again- no answer. So the police officer said, "Well, I don't think a thief would be vacuuming, so we're all good."

One of my fellow Things came into work today. He needed a sata cable. :) It was soo fun to see him there. No one I know ever comes in, so it was nice to see somebody.

All in all, today was a good day. I spent the afternoon going through all of this year's papers that needed to be filed. That was fun. But it's DONE and it feels so crazy nice to be finished with all of it. :D

I hope your Monday was good. Pray for Joplin. <3

Bethan

Sunday evening thoughts

Tonight is scary. There has already been some pretty incredible damage reported in Joplin, MO and I was watching the live feed come in on Discovery Channel's site. Wow. God is awesome. Praying for those and their loved ones who are in the midst of such destruction. I know God is using this to open hearts to see His beautiful love and mercy.

This weekend has been rough. I don't exactly know why. Well, I do, actually. God is working in my heart so much right now and it hurts. I'm struggling with balancing out my own Bible study time, family time, time by myself, work and the stress that comes with it, exhaustion, and just *everything*.

In the matter of hours I go from wanting to be down at college, or ready to be, to not wanting to go to college and staying at my current job, to wanting to kick all of the stress out.

Guess what?! There's always going to be stress, because I'm human. I'm Elizabeth Kara, and I get stressed out. I think that I can handle it instead of giving it to Christ, and I fail so epically. I try to convince myself that if I just cut out certain things in my life, the stress will be completely gone.

What a JOKE! Stress is such a sin issue for me, and I struggle with it each and every day. Right now I'm dealing with so many things and I just feel so overwhelmed. Christ is the one I need to rest in, not think about resting in. I need to be completely and totally resting in Him.

Tonight my boss asked me: "Do you think micom will be a long term job for you? Or do you have other plans? " I replied with: "There's a lot of prayer going into it, but as of right now, I am planning on going to college in the fall of 2012. Right now I'm feeling like I really don't want to leave Micom, so I'm praying about it a lot. I don't know if I'll end up at college, or staying back here, or going to college, being able to work for you still, but down there. How would you feel about that?"

Did I answer that well? Did I fail? I just feel like I never know what to expect. Christ is the one who knows my future. While I'm planning, I don't want to be totally and completely set on something, because He is the ruler of my life.

Well, the work week starts tomorrow, and I need to get some rest. My head hurts and I should go take something for it, so I get a good night of sleep.

There are so many tornado threats right now. I'm praying for you all while the storm moves through your area.

Bring joy and peace to your week,

LizzieBeth

Psalm 51:12-19

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You. Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, The God of my salvation, And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth shall show forth Your praise. For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart-- These, O God, You will not despise. Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; Build the walls of Jerusalem. Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, With burnt offering and whole burnt offering; Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar." -Psalm 51:12-19

In my Bible reading today. Actually, April 27th's Bible reading, which God knew that I needed to hear today.

Lizzie

[title]

Hello there,

I'm on the way home from Sfield after dropping off my besties with their Momma's so they could get home and rest after an insane week with little sleep.

I miss them a lot already.

But I'm also ready/nervous for routine to start up again.

I made myself study for the ACT on the way home today. I just took the test at the end of the chapter and almost started sobbing when I saw how badly I failed. Well, granted I didn't have my calculator with me, but still.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed about the ACT and the MCAS tests right now. I just feel like I'm being pulled in two directions along with work stress and home stress, and it's *hard* learning to be an adult. It takes a whole lotta trusting in Jesus and I cannot even to being to think of how I could do it without Him in my life. So I'm sitting here and praying that I will give it all to Him to take care of. I know I'm not going to feel prepared for either of the tests, and if that's how God wants me to take them, then that's what is right.

I've been thinking a ton lately about how He's laying out my life. While I know how many things are going to change, it's been sooo cool to see how He's working with me. For instince, I was really scared about the thought of college, taking classes, and working all the time. And with the job that He so beautifully placed in my life, I am learning so much each and every day. I was pulled out of my comfort zone, but He did it carefully and softly, not harshly and hurtful. I love how He does things like that. I didn't deserve it in the least. I'm scared about work tomorrow (or Friday. I don't know which day I'm working yet. We're 20 minutes out.) just for the reason of being pulled out of my comfort zone. I've had a week at home with my best friends for a week, and just had some time to breathe. Now that I'm jumping head first back into it all, I'm shaking on the diving board.

But Jesus is all around and He's going to always keep me safe. Whether I fail the ACT and MCAS or not. He's always there.

Blessings to you friends. Jesus is with you on the overwhelming days and on the great ones.

LizzieKara