This weekend has been rough. I don't exactly know why. Well, I do, actually. God is working in my heart so much right now and it hurts. I'm struggling with balancing out my own Bible study time, family time, time by myself, work and the stress that comes with it, exhaustion, and just *everything*.
In the matter of hours I go from wanting to be down at college, or ready to be, to not wanting to go to college and staying at my current job, to wanting to kick all of the stress out.
Guess what?! There's always going to be stress, because I'm human. I'm Elizabeth Kara, and I get stressed out. I think that I can handle it instead of giving it to Christ, and I fail so epically. I try to convince myself that if I just cut out certain things in my life, the stress will be completely gone.
What a JOKE! Stress is such a sin issue for me, and I struggle with it each and every day. Right now I'm dealing with so many things and I just feel so overwhelmed. Christ is the one I need to rest in, not think about resting in. I need to be completely and totally resting in Him.
Tonight my boss asked me: "Do you think micom will be a long term job for you? Or do you have other plans? " I replied with: "There's a lot of prayer going into it, but as of right now, I am planning on going to college in the fall of 2012. Right now I'm feeling like I really don't want to leave Micom, so I'm praying about it a lot. I don't know if I'll end up at college, or staying back here, or going to college, being able to work for you still, but down there. How would you feel about that?"
Did I answer that well? Did I fail? I just feel like I never know what to expect. Christ is the one who knows my future. While I'm planning, I don't want to be totally and completely set on something, because He is the ruler of my life.
Well, the work week starts tomorrow, and I need to get some rest. My head hurts and I should go take something for it, so I get a good night of sleep.
There are so many tornado threats right now. I'm praying for you all while the storm moves through your area.
Bring joy and peace to your week,
LizzieBeth
You answered the only way you could- honestly. He couldn't expect anymore from you, whether it's the answer he'd wish for or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you, Lizzie. It's so easy to stress out and try to handle it all ourselves. But we are worthless and entirely without strength on our own. It's only in Christ that we can do anything. All grace. I'm praying that you give it back over to Him, over and over, as many times as it takes. His Hand is sometimes painful, but it's always beautiful in the end. I'm so glad that He teaches us the hard lessons. I'm learning this myself. To give it all over to Him again, as many times as it takes. Over and over, until I learn to want what He wants. I may never get there, but every moment in the His sanctifying fire is purifying me for Him. <3 Isn't it beautiful, the way He works?
I love you, friend. <3
ReplyDeleteLike you, I start buckling under stress pretty quickly. I just don't like it. The only thing that truly relieves my stress - the way I can actually rest in Christ and not just *think* about doing it - is to sit quietly at His feet every day. Not *doing*, just sitting and looking in His face.
That's where I can really "be still and know that He is God". When I neglect to do that, I can hear Him say "Justine, Justine, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary..." In sitting at His feet, Mary had chosen the better part which would not be taken away from her. That's the part I need to choose too.