A... Monday. Just a Monday

ASJfkBF!

Today was yucky.

I think that I'm glad it's never going to be here again.

Mostly because I was in *such* a horrible mood the entire day, and therefore, it doesn't need to come back.

I hate my sick little sinner of a self. I don't know why today was bad, and that's most of the horrid part. I hate not understanding why I feel like that.

Wait a minute.

I felt like I did because I'm a sinner. I'm so self-centered, I'm *exhausted*, I'm feeling pressure, I'm tired of the daily grind, I'm tired of messing up and forgetting. I'm just *me*.

And sometimes I get really sick of myself. Which is unfortunate for those around me because I spend the entire time fighting myself.

I was dead by 9 this morning. 8:45, actually. I kept looking at my computer clock- wishing it was noon so I could leave and have some quiet time for an hour.

Ha. Three and a quarter hour away.

So I jumped the gun and told my boss that I needed five minutes. Which turned into more than forty five minutes, because I walked out the door just as the sky was turning black. I went to the tunnel by TJ and paced back and forth, back and forth for the entire time. It poured, it hailed, it'd was misty and windy, and I got fresh air and quiet time.

I was telling a friend in a note that I think God gave me that storm. My heart was so heavy and in need of so much prayer. I sat in the tunnel, trying to think of what was wrong with me, what I wanted, where I wanted to go.

But you know the truth of my hearts desires? My heart desires Christ. Because He saved me and works in me each day. Even when my days are full of so much selfishness, He is using that to teach me *so* much. What was wrong with me? Sin. What did I want? Christ. Where did I want to go? To heaven.

My heart aches to be done. But I don't get to be the one who decides that.

Sadly, my day didn't get better. I went back inside, ignored communication and eye contact as much as I could while still working, and just barely passed the day. Sometimes God doesn't show you why you're in such a crummy mood during it.

Oh wait- if He did, then you wouldn't be in a crummy mood.

So friends, pray for my aching heart. Pray that I will rest in Christ alone. He is my strength, not myself. He is every desire my heart longs for.

I love you all so very much. You're so dear to me.

Elizabeth