An update

Hey friends,

I got home and checked my email.

I'm going into work tomorrow. Pray for a good day and that things will go well.

Lizzie

A long one...

Hey there, blogger friends.

Who are actually my real friends.

My life is a roller coaster, I think. Which is ok sometimes. And other times it's waaaay stressful and I don't know what to think.

I'm on my way home from Branson with the parents writing this in WordPad because I have no internet as we drive down 65 North.

We just dropped Christi off at CofO, visited with her, Dan, Nathan, and Cody for awhile, and then left. Em is in Sfield after her flight was delayed due to mechanical issues in Providence. You don't even want to know how many jokes have been made about her being stuck in Providence. :D

Christi reloaded my iPod with her music. I had music from back when we were mostly living in C. back in those days. And I hardly listened to any of it anymore. I needed to take a picture for the day, so I took a picture of me sitting in the car with my lappy, iPod (which was Amy's.) and just the general stuff I have sitting in my area.

I'm going to miss Chris. Her middle name speaks of how she is: Joy. She is so fully of joy and peace. I love her so very much. She was so, so encouraging and such a dear to me this week after finding out Thursday's news.

Speaking of my job.

Ha.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Here's the roller coaster.

This morning my boss called A. and asked her if we wanted our jobs back. He had actually emailed the both of us this morning. And then I emailed Abby and told her to check her work email and then to call me after 1 on Dad's cell since we were going to be heading down to CofO this afternoon.

She called at right around 1, and told me that he had called her. So we talked and she said that she was going to do it. I told her that I did, too, but I needed to talk to my parents about it. So once we were on our way down to CofO, I told Mom and Dad the news, along with Chris. They were pretty surprised. But also concerned, because this was SO quick and it worried them about how seriously he was thinking this through. I felt the exact same way. Even if he thinks that we care about Micom, it doesn't mean that it's in the best interest to have us back when the company can't exactly afford us right now. So when I got to CofO, I borrowed Christi's laptop and sat down and wrote him an email that said that. Now that I've done it, I feel that maybe I blew my chance of working there again. But really, I *do* want the best for Micom, and if the best is for me not to work there, then it is absolutely God's will. If God wants me working there, He will work it out. He is absolutely correct in all things.

I asked him to write me back so I would know what to do concerning coming into work tomorrow morning. Either to call Dad's cell or if it was ok that I didn't get the email until like... 8 or so because I wouldn't be home until around that time. Right now it's 5:02, so I would certainly hope that we'd get back before then. :)

I thought about just calling him and getting the whole conversation over with. Then I chickened out, because I'm so horrible on the phone. My voice probably would've gotten shaky and I wouldn't have said all that I needed to say. So on my end, an email was the best. And if it isn't for him, he can always call.

Rehearsals were Friday and Saturday. They went really well. Everything is coming along really well. I'm super excited about it. Nervous, but I'm always nervous. :) It's not a good quality.

Friday night we stopped in at work. Well, I did. I needed to get a few more things and even though I never heard back from Mike, I knew that I needed to get them. So A. made me go inside, even though I was scared. Not because I was mad at them or anything, just because I knew it'd probably be somewhat awkward for everyone. :/

So I went in and was flustered to an extent and said hi to the guys. I was scared to see Mike. But when I walked in the door, he had a kind and sincere smile on his face, that looked like he was sad about how things had turned out. I was so relieved. I was so scared that it was something more than financial issues, and that bothered me *so* much. I just want people to be honest with me. It bothers me so much when people are fake. SO. Much. So don't do it to me. Isaac greeted me with a, "What are you doing here? We don't want you here anymore." "Thanks Isaac, that makes me feel good." I twittled about trying to find my things, walked past Mike's desk to leave and he stopped and gave me my paycheck. I assured him that, "I promise that's not the reason I came in." "I know it's not.". I walked to the door, turned and said, "I really think that you should come see us have blue hair." "I will."

And then I left.

Feeling quite the bit better about that, I my heart felt like crying because I know how very, very lost those people are. If I already think my co-workers are fun and they don't know Jesus, imagine what they would be like if they did! So I continue to pray for their hearts and ask God to save their very lost souls. I was just as lost as them a few years ago. And how much they need Jesus. I don't know how people can deal with all of the stress without having Christ to rest in. How sad.

So the praise to God for his mercy. He can do all things and his will is forever done.

Saturday some dear, dear friends were in a roll over accident in their 15 passenger van with the kids. Jesus protected each and every one of them and they're all totally fine. What incredible mercy out Saviour shows and pours out.

Peace and love to you all. Rejoice in the Lord today and throughout the week.

Bethan

"Don’t let your eyes get used to darkness
The light is coming soon
Don’t let your heart get used to sadness
Put your hope in what is true"

Back Home JJ Heller

Oh look! I'm back again.

It's 6:10 pm now, and I'm still in the car. We went to Sams. So guess what time we'll be getting home? At around 8. :)

I'm listening to my iPod again. Daddy is "punching" Mama because a whole tractor trailer load of VW's just rolled past us. Hahaha. :) I love my parents.

We spent some lovely time in Sams, looking at tvs, cameras, fish sticks, cheese, celery, chips, chicken, dishwasher soap, etc. We got pizza and soda for dinner. I got sprite to drink because I had a coke with lunch and coke gets heavy after while. Haha. That sounds dumb. But do you know what I mean? Sprite is a lighter tasting soda. So that's what I got.

There went another VW...

So if I do end up getting my job back, then I want to get a new camera before college. :) I think I might just go with the new Rebel that's coming out. It had a nice price. Although I feel like a Rebel is a stereotypical step up camera, I am not spending a $1,000 for a 50 or 60D, so that'll have to do. Plus, they seem to be good cameras that last. Maybe someday I could upgrade to a nicer one.

I saw Gerbera Daisies in Sams and I said, "One day when a guy loves me, he's going to buy be Gerbera Daisies.". Daddy was looking at the cute small roses that they had for Mama. They were really pretty. Pretty soon spring is going to actually show up and our house will be filled with cut flowers. *Joy*

I'm listening to Chris August. He's a new artist that I heard a couple of weeks ago. Then Friday when Chris and I were looking at iTunes, she saw his album cheap and bought it. That girl with all her gift cards. Pppsh..

Speaking of good deals. Well, not really...

Mama found some cute ballet flats on Lands End for $11 that were originally like $40. So she bought me and Emma a pair. They're fun. I almost had her bought a red pair along with the black, but that was back when I had just lost my job, so I decided not to.

Not knowing if I have a job or not is making me anxious. Repeating the verse above to myself.

I just asked Daddy if it was going to rain (it looks cloudy.) and he said, "It is sometime." Then he did his cheesy grin when he turned around to look at me.

My parents. I love them so much,

Sam's has good pizza. I like it. I always have enjoyed their stuff.

The sky looks like wrinkly old skin. Only.. more beautiful. Ha. :D

My FB is minimized down there with "15 notifications" on it. It's bothering me because I can't look at them.

Seriously, are you not bored yet? I can't believe you're still reading this... Ha. I should go. I need to write Corinne, so I should go do that instead of rambling to a point of no return...

Love you.

LizzieBeth

Again.

Hi, :)

We just passed this new church building that a church near St. R is building and it looks like an ark. So Mom and Dad were trying to figure out if they modeled it after that, and I said, "Did you ask Mr. Brown if he thought it was one?" "No... Does he get text?"

Dad has really been on the texting deal today. That's like the 10th time he's texted today. (Ppsp. That's big for him.)

I love my Daddy.

About half an hour to go!

Liz

Thursday.

Today.

This morning I woke up tired. I've been waking up tired lately. Not fun at all. :( Just all tight and tired. I don't think I've been sleeping well. I heard Christi up, so I got up at around 7:30 and went downstairs to lay down on the couch and watch the news with her.

I checked my email, facebook, buzz, my work mail, amazon, etc. My normal home routine on the computer. I had a few emails from my boss concerning customer messages and made a mental note to call Isaac and talk to him about them. I always dislike calling him because I feel bad-- he's always busy with computer repair and service calls and doesn't love to deal with messages.

Christi and I decided to have some Monday Morning hot cocoa and so I went and made it. I had an egg burrito for breakfast and Christi had some pb&j toast. We turned on Cranford that Abby left for us to finish watching and watched an episode together while we sipped hot cocoa.

We finished, did random things. I called Isaac and went over the daily messages and such with him. He sounded a bit stressed, and maybe annoyed, which I get. I asked him to remind my boss of a couple of super important things and then got off the phone. I was tired so I laid down on the couch and fell asleep while the boys talked about things and watched morning cartoons.

I woke up. Momma was ironing Daddy's clothes, and the boys were chatting. I checked my facebook, buzz, email, and... work email.

My boss had emailed. I was fuzzy from my nap and had when I started reading it, my heart sped up and my got that nervous feeling in my stomach.

Due to financial problems at work, A. and I had been laid off for an indefinite amount of time. "This will be for an indefinite period of time, it may be a month or 9 months, I have no idea." "..regret that I have put you in such a position"

Shock. I was just so shocked. I had *just* gotten emails concerning work that morning at 6:36 from him.

I wandered around. I went upstairs, tried to pray, read my Bible and devotional while I waited for the hour to tick by and for Abby to call- I had called her that morning because I needed to "vent" about a couple of work things. We had gotten bad feedback from someone and that always hurts me. I had asked my co-worker to deal with it on Monday and it got forgotten and that bothered me a lot. Bad feedback kills online sales. And then I take it personally. I work my butt off trying to help the customers as much as I can to get good feedback. So yes, I was bummer. She was working with her dad, so her Mama told me that she'd have her call me back at lunchtime.

So I sat and tried to concentrate on my Bible reading and that God absolutely knew what was best. Struggling with thoughts of why He would give me this job and then take it away a little over a month later is hard. But really, He did this to help me grow more in Him. He knew how I'd react, how I would hurt, how I would struggle. But guess what? The glory is being given to Him in this situation. He's not going to put me through this for nothing, and the end result will be, by His grace, me growing more in Him, and Christ getting the glory.

Here I am now, Friday morning. I'll finish this up. :)

Abby called me. Unfortunately, she hadn't checked her work email, so I had to be the bearer of bad news. I read the email to her, we both sat there-shock and confused at what had just happened. We went over things, trying to figure it out, just *so* confused and not understanding how this came up so quickly. Or if it didn't and we just were totally oblivious towards his thoughts on the matter. She told me she'd call me back in awhile after she talked to her parents.

I got lunch. Let myself have a the last Cranberry Sierra Mist until they are sold during the holidays again, tried to eat lunch, tried not to cry. Abby called me and we talked, just fairly quiet and sad, but knowing that this is God's will no matter what. I called my boss, which I now regret, just because my voice was shaky and I didn't say all that I wanted to say. I chatted with Abby a couple of more times that afternoon about Friday and Saturday rehearsals and who would be driving. I remembered a few things that I forgot to tell my boss, and Isaac, so I wrote them both an email. Isaac replied. Mike did not. Hopefully that just means that he's busy.

The afternoon crept by rather slowly, I suppose. Christi, my dear sister, suggested that we go take sister pictures together and then came inside, got some tea, watched an episode of Cranford, and laughed at the pictures that we took. My family is so supportive and understanding. Jed came and gave me several hugs throughout the day and told me that he loved me. Mama checked up on me numerous times, and talked to me about it all for a while. Jed gave me lots of gummy bears, too. :)

I feel like I sound silly. I mean, I am sad. I'm not sick over it, but I truly did love my job and was so thrilled about getting to help Micom grow. And when I didn't have that chance, or at least not any more, I was hurt. I felt like *I* had done something wrong. I know that it's not my fault. I tried my best, I checked work things all the time while I was home. I called in on my days off. I tried *so* hard there. I tried to be cheerful. To show them my Hope, and why I was happy and kind to others.

I just feel like I've failed. I hate that feeling. Christ will get me through those thoughts and feelings. Life will move on, and I will live. If I get to work there again- what I huge blessing. But if I don't, I'll know that it's absolutely the will of God.

Blessings to you. Thanks for reading this ridiculously long and self absorbed post.

Bethan

Springing into spring

Exhausted

That's how I feel right now.

But there's a few minutes before I'll make myself go to sleep, so I thought I'd write. :)

I'm listening to the fabulous Wes Pickering while I write this.

Today was long. It was good, but reallllllly long, and I am so tired. I woke up at 6 and left to Abby's house, hung out there until like... 8:40, then I went into work. My boss was in St. L. all day yesterday picking up a new shipment of computers, and apparently was in and out all night going back and forth, so when we got there he was still sleeping. Ha. Nice.

Actually, he felt *really* bad about it. Abby and I just spent some very lovely time outside. I didn't mind at all. It was nice to be able to be out enjoying the day instead of being stuck inside all day. Anyway, later on we went in and sort of had a meeting about all that we want to get done, how to accomplish things better, etc. I don't really feel like we got much done, but that's what he wanted to do, so oh well. Monday will be packed full (no pun intended.) of packing since we already have lots of orders to ship out. I'm already tired thinking about it. But it's sooo great for us and we've been quite a bit over our daily sales for each day, which is wonderful.

I'm rambling about work... I'm sorry. But the point of talking about work was to tell you that Friday went SO well. After a wretchedly stressful Thursday, my stress levels could hardly take more. But Jesus is always with me, and He watched over and took care of everything. The customer on the other side of getting the wrong product that was my fault was great and super kind. He was ready and willing to ship the part back after I sent him the shipping label. Hopefully it'll get here on Monday and I can ship him the correct part. My co-worker, Isaac was super awesome and helped me deal with it. I've been so blessed with such a great boss and co-workers thus far. That's *huge*, and so wonderful. Friday was great, I took an hour lunch with Abby and we got mountain dew and skittles and sat in the sun and thought of Amy. <3 I love Abby. She's such an incredible friend to me.

We went to a Seussical rehearsal today! People, it's going to be SO OSM. The vocals are INcredible. I cannot WAIT. :) I looked ridiculous onstage holding a pretend animal cage for the circus, but oh well, I suppose. :) Abby was there with me the whole time. ;) Next week is the tech rehearsal, and I'm so thankful. We open in like... a month. Or less. Less than a month. DUDE! It's going to be here SO soon! Our orchestra sounds so gorgeous! It's soooo loud underneath them and crazy hard to hear the cues.

I hope you'll come and see it, because I know you'll love it.

Maybe one of these days I'll get to bake something worth taking pictures of and posting... All my posts have been as of late are pictures. I hope you don't mind them.

Much love to you and yours,
Lizziebeth.

Wait, wait, wait. Is it ONLY 9:09? Really? Because I SERIOUSLY thought that it was after 10... Oh man...

Oh! Hahahahaha! I totally forgot the entire reason for this posting. :)

On Friday, Abby and I made our first sale! :D I was pretty thrilled. We sold a pretty nice laptop for a nice price. Hopefully our boss was happy, because it felt so great to get a sale for the first time. Our boss's goal is for us to basically take over sales and customer support, along with management positions, so I was really happy that we finally made a sale.

100th blog post! Hooray!

Today. The day. 3/10/11

So today happened.

And in some ways, it went smoothly. And in others, it went horribly wrong and I was so stressed I was near the breaking point of sobbing at the drop of a hat.

I didn't get my sheets back on my bed. So I'm sleeping in a pile of snuggly blankets. I don't mind a bit.

I didn't get a dessert made, but I did make some yummy Jell-O things, and the boys were happy about that. :)

I didn't get Anatomy finished, that means parts of Saturday, and Sunday are going to be filled with it. *sigh*

I didn't help as much as I should have.

I'm staying up late to write this.

I was *STRESSED*.

I remembered Amy and wished that I was with her.




Eh.

Jesus is beautiful and He loves me. This is what matters.

Today happened. Which means that it was 3 1/2 years since Amy has been here. But I'm so glad she's not on this wretched earth. Life is hard and people disappoint.

DUDE! That was encouraging.

But it is true. Going through some reaaaaaaally hard things right now shows me that.

But also, Christ is FULL of mercy, and if something doesn't give Him the glory, He's not going to put me through it. So His name will be glorified in this hurricane.

Also, today happened, and I realized that I screwed up at work. I was checking ebay and we had a message from a buyer that had gotten the wrong item. Nothing like the one that happened to my co-worker, but OH MAN. Was I sick the moment I saw that. That was my biggest shipping fear.

And. It. Happened. Today.

*Sob*.

So I freaked, I prayed, (wrong order.), I told my Mama, I wrote my boss, I wrote my dearest co-worker ever, Abby and then I came up to my room and almost lost it. But then refrained, because if I started sobbing, it would end with me sleeping 12 hours and not spending the rest of the night with my dear family who has so graciously adjusted to my retarded schedule.

My boss replied, said that it was alright, that we're all learning. I still felt bad. Abby replied, said she was praying for me, and that she loved me, and that it was alright.

I laughed, I ate food, I spent the night watching a movie with my family and trying to get some Anatomy done.

So I'm officially through today and the major trials, I'm about to go to bed, and 'Be Thou Vision' is playing on Pandora.

My Jesus loves me, and I love Him.
This matters.
Life matters.
You matter.

Love to you,
Bethan.

3 1/2 Years

So the 10th marks 3 1/2 years since Amy died.

Yesterday marked the 3 1/2 years since I went up to Barns to have all of the tests taken for being the 2nd donor for another BMT.

She was so sick that day. The meds that she was on had her really confused and it was reminding us of how it was when Grandma Martin was sick. Thankfully, Jesus pulled her out of all of that confusion, and when she passed away that following Monday, she was clearly alert of it all.

It's beautiful to see what peace God has given me 3 1/2 years later. When some days my heart aches so badly for her that I feel like there's no possible way to go on and all I want is heaven, I remember all that Jesus has brought me through. How He saved me by His grace, and how He used her in other's lives so amazingly.

The other night I dreamed that Gary and Brandon surprised us and came to visit. I don't normally have very vivid dreams where I feel emotion, but I remember being so incredibly happy in that dream.

My sister was beautiful. She's my hero. But she was also human. She had feelings, she was a sinner, she could be mean when she wanted, she loved her family. She loved me. She loved Jesus most of all.

So what am I feeling, as the three and a half year marker arrives?

Peace. There is so much peace concerning her. She's with Christ. She's thrilled, she's singing praises to our Saviour each moment, she rejoices when a lost sinner is saved, and she feels no more pain.

My Mama said to me, that being on cemo is like having the flu. So basically, my sister felt like she had the flu for a year and a half. When I had the flu for a week, I felt like it would never end. I couldn't imagine it for a year and a half.

Hug your family, be kind, and thankful. Christ knows all things, even when we think that He doesn't. Even when our lives are so screwed up that we wonder how God could be getting *any* glory out of it, just trust Him. Because He doesn't put us into situations and then not have it glorify Him in the end.

Here's a song from today's service at church. Today's message was beautiful and I got so much out of it, by the grace of God.

Love to you and yours,
Bethan

Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide!
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side!
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark and stormy fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul!

Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!

Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for home and thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heavenly peace with Thee!
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks through all eternity!
John A. Hultman