Thursday.

Today.

This morning I woke up tired. I've been waking up tired lately. Not fun at all. :( Just all tight and tired. I don't think I've been sleeping well. I heard Christi up, so I got up at around 7:30 and went downstairs to lay down on the couch and watch the news with her.

I checked my email, facebook, buzz, my work mail, amazon, etc. My normal home routine on the computer. I had a few emails from my boss concerning customer messages and made a mental note to call Isaac and talk to him about them. I always dislike calling him because I feel bad-- he's always busy with computer repair and service calls and doesn't love to deal with messages.

Christi and I decided to have some Monday Morning hot cocoa and so I went and made it. I had an egg burrito for breakfast and Christi had some pb&j toast. We turned on Cranford that Abby left for us to finish watching and watched an episode together while we sipped hot cocoa.

We finished, did random things. I called Isaac and went over the daily messages and such with him. He sounded a bit stressed, and maybe annoyed, which I get. I asked him to remind my boss of a couple of super important things and then got off the phone. I was tired so I laid down on the couch and fell asleep while the boys talked about things and watched morning cartoons.

I woke up. Momma was ironing Daddy's clothes, and the boys were chatting. I checked my facebook, buzz, email, and... work email.

My boss had emailed. I was fuzzy from my nap and had when I started reading it, my heart sped up and my got that nervous feeling in my stomach.

Due to financial problems at work, A. and I had been laid off for an indefinite amount of time. "This will be for an indefinite period of time, it may be a month or 9 months, I have no idea." "..regret that I have put you in such a position"

Shock. I was just so shocked. I had *just* gotten emails concerning work that morning at 6:36 from him.

I wandered around. I went upstairs, tried to pray, read my Bible and devotional while I waited for the hour to tick by and for Abby to call- I had called her that morning because I needed to "vent" about a couple of work things. We had gotten bad feedback from someone and that always hurts me. I had asked my co-worker to deal with it on Monday and it got forgotten and that bothered me a lot. Bad feedback kills online sales. And then I take it personally. I work my butt off trying to help the customers as much as I can to get good feedback. So yes, I was bummer. She was working with her dad, so her Mama told me that she'd have her call me back at lunchtime.

So I sat and tried to concentrate on my Bible reading and that God absolutely knew what was best. Struggling with thoughts of why He would give me this job and then take it away a little over a month later is hard. But really, He did this to help me grow more in Him. He knew how I'd react, how I would hurt, how I would struggle. But guess what? The glory is being given to Him in this situation. He's not going to put me through this for nothing, and the end result will be, by His grace, me growing more in Him, and Christ getting the glory.

Here I am now, Friday morning. I'll finish this up. :)

Abby called me. Unfortunately, she hadn't checked her work email, so I had to be the bearer of bad news. I read the email to her, we both sat there-shock and confused at what had just happened. We went over things, trying to figure it out, just *so* confused and not understanding how this came up so quickly. Or if it didn't and we just were totally oblivious towards his thoughts on the matter. She told me she'd call me back in awhile after she talked to her parents.

I got lunch. Let myself have a the last Cranberry Sierra Mist until they are sold during the holidays again, tried to eat lunch, tried not to cry. Abby called me and we talked, just fairly quiet and sad, but knowing that this is God's will no matter what. I called my boss, which I now regret, just because my voice was shaky and I didn't say all that I wanted to say. I chatted with Abby a couple of more times that afternoon about Friday and Saturday rehearsals and who would be driving. I remembered a few things that I forgot to tell my boss, and Isaac, so I wrote them both an email. Isaac replied. Mike did not. Hopefully that just means that he's busy.

The afternoon crept by rather slowly, I suppose. Christi, my dear sister, suggested that we go take sister pictures together and then came inside, got some tea, watched an episode of Cranford, and laughed at the pictures that we took. My family is so supportive and understanding. Jed came and gave me several hugs throughout the day and told me that he loved me. Mama checked up on me numerous times, and talked to me about it all for a while. Jed gave me lots of gummy bears, too. :)

I feel like I sound silly. I mean, I am sad. I'm not sick over it, but I truly did love my job and was so thrilled about getting to help Micom grow. And when I didn't have that chance, or at least not any more, I was hurt. I felt like *I* had done something wrong. I know that it's not my fault. I tried my best, I checked work things all the time while I was home. I called in on my days off. I tried *so* hard there. I tried to be cheerful. To show them my Hope, and why I was happy and kind to others.

I just feel like I've failed. I hate that feeling. Christ will get me through those thoughts and feelings. Life will move on, and I will live. If I get to work there again- what I huge blessing. But if I don't, I'll know that it's absolutely the will of God.

Blessings to you. Thanks for reading this ridiculously long and self absorbed post.

Bethan