A...weird post...

But oh well. I'm feeling random and awkward tonight. Stay tuned.

How am I?

Lonely. So, so lonely. Hear me out first. I had a lovely day. I laughed with my brothers, played games with them, talked with my Mama, gave my Mama hugs, greeted my Daddy when he got home from work, told him stories and helped with dinner. Visited my Grandma and worked on a puzzle with her.

Made banana bread. Did school. Listened to lovely music. Wall-posted with dear friends, worried about other friends, missed friends, felt like I was annoying to my friends, wondered if I should set up a chat time with friends, wondered if I'm too pushy. Wondered if I had the most screwed up life in the world, was thankful because I *don't* have a screwed up life, I have a beautiful life. I was saved by the grace of my wonderful Savior, my family loves me for me, my friends love me, I have a warm home, my Mama lets me do crazy things in the kitchen. I am just so blessed.

So mostly, this post is for me. It to get me thinking, to get me cheerful and realize all that my Jesus has given me. Even with every screwed up thing that's going on in my life right now, guess what?! That's all SO small. And Jesus is SO much bigger than it all. Only He can save ruined things, only He can heal hearts and restore love and trust. So why do we get all caught up in it?! Is it lack of trust? I do not understand this. I get caught up in it all the time...

But just finish that with the thought of how merciful our God is. Of how incredibly much He loves us. And even with everything that we hoped for is crashing and we wonder what even the point of it all was, God gives us things like this for us to grow in Him. This is how He brings His elect to Him and shows them His great and powerful love for them the first time. He is beautiful. His love is beautiful. He loves beautiful things.

I'm missing my big sister today. It's almost the 10th again. You know what thrills me the most about her being in heaven?!? She got to rejoice with Jesus and the angles when Christ saved me. I can't even to begin how thrilled and how she must have given all of the glory to God for it. And guess what? When we get to go to heaven, we get to do the same thing! We get to rejoice for those who God saves! How awesome!

My heart is so heavy with things tonight. But I don't need to write them here-Jesus knows all of them, and I can have an even better conversation with Him. <3

Bethan