The first day of summer

First day of summer work. No big deal, right? Well for me it was. I had an absolutely splendid time yesterday with my sweet best friends, played frisbee and volleyball until dark, moved in my little brother. Just a wonderful day. I am so thankful. Off to bed in my new room with my precious sister as my roommate. I'm pumped about this summer.

A few things happened this week that were crazy. Because of the tornado in Oklahoma, my church is having a last minute mission trip to Moore to help alongside of an organization we believe in. Pastor Neil mentioned this in second service at church and it immediately caught my attention. I prayed over it all through the service and as we walked into the lobby, I made a bee line to the information desk to sign up. God would make this happen if it was right. I immediately started sending out emails to get the weekend plans taken care of. Babysitting at church all day Saturday and then finding out if I would be able to get off early two hours early on Friday to leave out with the group that afternoon. One email came back with an excited "No problem, do what is on your heart, girlie!" and another came back a little more stressed. New work station, new bosses, new stresses.

All in all, I was pretty nervous about going to work today. Nervous falling asleep didn't help, and as the nightmares raged, I woke up to unfamiliar sounds. Alarms. Alarms were going off all around me, and I couldn't tell what was going on. I squinted to catch a glimpse of the clock which read 4:30am. Hair still damp from crawling in bed around midnight and body aching from the workout I had done the morning before, I jumped down out of my bed and looked outside. "Those aren't for us, are they?", I asked to Christi. Well they were. RA's were running down the hall, out of breath and yelling, "Wake up, the alarms are going off!" as they banging on the doors on our floor. Christi and I grabbed a pillow, our keys, and headed down the emergency route to the outside world with 100+ other girls. And there we sat, all half asleep and confused as to what had jolted us from sleep.

The alarms had malfunctioned, and randomly going off. We were instructed to proceed as if it were a fire emergency. Then the lightning came. A storm blew in, rain coming down on 100+ girls, as security scrambled to get a building opened up. Thankfully, one of my sweet friends, Hillary and her roommate invited us to take refuge in their car, so we held up in there until the alarms were turned off and we were given the all clear.

Nice way to start your first day of summer. Christi and I came back to our rooms and I tried to get a few minutes of sleep before my alarm went off at 5:50. I did, and then Christi and I got started on some "pop-Pilates" which should be known as killer, because I have never been this sore in my life.  We did our workout, grabbed coffee, and got ready for the day. We met Stephen outside and went to breakfast, then shortly thereafter it was time for us all to start something new: Christi training, Stephen work at college, and a new workstation for me.

This summer I am incredibly blessed to work in Christian Ministries while I cross train to take over the position as Camp Lookout Office Coordinator. I have incredibly bosses, and I am so excited about it. I worked 11 hours today, since I didn't work yesterday, and at $18 an hour, you don't want to be down any. At least I don't. Long day, but a good day. I am looking forward to a summer of a little more relaxation than the last. And you will most likely be getting a letter or two from me, as I have a lot more free time at work that I can use to catch up with you all.

Tomorrow is a new day, and also a 12 shift.

Blessings and peace,

Bethan

A Time for Reflection

I watched a lovely movie with Christi and Hillary tonight, and it left me feeling very quiet and lonely. I was thinking tonight over the past year and how much is changed. The Lord has done so much in my life. How different I thought that things would be, and somehow I am completely content in those things. Tonight, remember to reflect on the new things in your life, and remember to praise God for His never ending mercy. 

Love and peace, 

Bethan

Take some time to enjoy life

Smile! The Lord is good!

Hey friends,

I had a pretty lovely day. Well, today was hard and frustrating, but it was lovely because I made it so by having a better attitude. Today in math class my professor called me out and threatened to throw chalk at me because I answered a banking problem incorrectly. That was nice. Then at work I made my mashed potatoes too salty so I had to wash them all down the drain. But guess what? The Lord is full of grace. My supervisors were precious about it and understood, and my math teacher is just.. my math teacher. Only half a semester more with him, Lord willing!

I got off, came back to run out to the Mac lab and cram out (Not really cram, it's not due until Monday..) a Photoshop project (SO much fun! I love my major!!) and then back to the room to realize that I have lost my wallet. I'm praying it is in my car in the freshy lot, but I can't check until Friday.. :-/ Christi let me borrow her car tonight and Justice, Baily, and I took the night off and went to Olive Garden for dinner. On the way over, I fought myself about spending the money on food, since food is something that is gone in a few minutes and doesn't actually amount to anything long-term. But then I realized that I never take a night off mid-week and spend money on good, quality food!

Tonight was so, so good. I laughed more than I have in months, and thoroughly enjoyed time with my best friends. It was wonderful to forget about classes and the school stress. I am so thankful for my friends here and that I was able to do this tonight with them. `

I have a Spanish test in the morning, a Graphic Arts quiz at 2, and an interview for Camp Lookout at 3:15 tomorrow! I would love, love, love to have your prayers covering me throughout the day. I know the Lord will provide. I will be thankful when this week is past. <3 nbsp="" p="">
I'd better go get some studying in before bed.
Love,
Elizabeth

Hold Onto the Ones You Love

Elizabeth Martin

College Comp 1

1/24/13

Hold Onto the Ones You Love

It was a hot July afternoon just two days before the 4^th of July. My mother picked up her phone and answered with a sweet “Hey, Amy! How are you?” However, her tone quickly changed from happiness to concern. Something was wrong, I could tell. My mother and my oldest sister Amy have been best friends for years and know each other better than almost anyone. It was our family get-together at my grandparents’ home in St. Louis. We were all having a wonderful day and enjoying being around each other for the first time in several months. Amy was unable to make it to the get-together because her husband was out of town and she didn’t want to make the trip alone with Gary, her eight-month-old son.  I was in my grandmother’s kitchen listening to one side of my mother’s phone conversation. I anxiously stood by her side asking questions as she shushed me so she could hear my sister.  My mother finished the phone call with Amy, and she let us know that my brother-in-law, Brandon, was taking Amy to Urgent Care to check out the spider bite she had gotten several weeks prior. They had just moved into their new home in Columbia, MO and they were dealing with some insect issues. After my mother told me what was going on, I ran off to continue enjoying the time with my cousins, trying not to think about the situation too much.            

We arrived home that evening and my mother’s concern had grown more considerable. It was late, nearing midnight, as she packed herself and my sister Emma into the car to head to Columbia. “They want to keep her overnight, now. The doctor is running some tests to try and

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see if he can get more information about why she is feeling so poorly,”  my mother said, as she rushed out the door. What was happening to my life? An unsettling feeling weighed heavy as I drifted off to sleep that night.

The next morning began a whirlwind of activities. We were all piling into the car to head to church when my dad announced that we would be going to Columbia to see my sister at the hospital. Some news had come in, and Dad wanted to get there as quickly as possible. The drive was long, about an hour and a half, from our home. We arrived at the hospital and I was feeling nervous and anxious about the entire ordeal. The news eventually came out from my parents that my sister was sick. Very sick now, but it was about to get even worse. That morning Dr. Perry, as well as seven other hospital personnel, came in to deliver the news of my sister’s cancer: Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, known simply as AML. As you can imagine, my entire family broke down and begged for God’s mercy on my sweet sister. I remember that day I wore a heart necklace that my sister had given me, and I held onto it that afternoon at the park where my family quietly ate our picnic lunch. Trying to take in all of the changes that were about to take place and searching through my head how this even happens. They always say you never really think about cancer until it becomes reality for someone close to you. The next several months were a whirlwind. My mother stayed by my sister’s side each and every day of her illness, my family moved to Columbia for about a month during the first several chemo treatments, and my other sisters and I went into “mom” mode and took care of Gary full time. The switchover from being a child of twelve to being up at two in the morning with an eight-month-old was difficult. They say that people have an event in their lives that changes them from a child into an adult.

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That day in the hospital was that event for me. Everything changed. Yes, there were still the stupid fits that I would throw as a teen girl going through puberty, but overall, I changed significantly that 3^rd day of July.

This journey continued on for another fourteen months. I lived in Columbia as a nanny to Gary with my other sisters for just over two years. My sister was in and out of the hospital for treatments. She was in the hospital more than she was home, but the times she got to come home were incredibly precious. She received a bone marrow transplant in November of 2006 with the help of my brother as the donor. I remember the news of her relapse the following February and her response. “We are heartbroken. This is not the news we wanted to hear. We wanted to raise our son, to grow old together, but God has different plans for our family. And as much as we don't understand them right now, we know that He is sovereign over this as well. Please pray for us, and for my family especially. My part in all of this is rather easy. I get to die and be with my Savior in glory. I get to miss out on all the suffering this world holds. It is my family who bears the grief and the pain day in and day out. It is for them that my heart breaks.  Hold your loved ones a little closer for me today. Live life a little more -- wear your dressy clothes around the house just because life is really short and stains don't really matter.

Don't get impatient about the little things. 

Someday we'll understand why.”

My sister passed away just seven months later. They had decided to proceed with a second bone marrow transplant, even though there was only a five percent chance of it working. I was my sister’s second donor. Five days before she passed away, I was in the hospital for the necessary

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tests and medical meetings with her doctors. Amy contracted a fungal pneumonia that was too much for her sick body to endure. Amy made the decision to have the oxygen turned off late Monday afternoon, on September 10^th, 2007. Something that strongly inspired me was my sister’s ministry throughout her illness. She kept up with a blog that was read by people from all around the world. People would leave comments telling Amy that her faith caused them to think about spiritual things for the first time in many years. Amy’s faith and love of the Lord has inspired me to live my life for Christ and to use each day to show His love through my life.

Through my sister’s journey I experienced my own. This journey brought me to see my life in an entirely different manner. It taught me to appreciate each moment in my life even when that moment is uncomfortable for me. Through this journey, God has refined my life in many ways but especially by revealing that His grace and mercy cover all of my shortcomings.

Now when I look back, I have no idea how I managed to become a full-time mom with my sisters for Gary. I see now that it was entirely God’s grace and mercy, because I certainly was not strong enough to take that on. Gary and I were extremely close and he taught me so much in those two years. Gary and his dad moved away in 2009 to their home in Arizona. I miss him more than most people understand, but I know that God is watching over him. I pray that someday Gary sees and understands his mommy’s journey.

I am so thankful that God put this situation in our lives, even though it meant the loss of my sister. The work that God has done in lives all around the world is beautiful, and I know that Amy is thrilled to have been God’s messenger in this way.

Sunday evening thoughts

Hey all, 

I was thinking today about the week I had last week, and the week I am heading into. Tests every day but Tuesday and I'm just a tiny bit stressed out. Or I was... My sister posted this quote on my wall and it was incredibly encouraging: 
"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control." - Crazy Love

Ponder that quote throughout your next couple of days. It seemed like as soon as I saw that, I was surrounded  by reminders of my stressful attitudes. Today it was hammered in a little bit more at church. While this hurts, I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes to my sin in the way of stress. What a merciful Lord we serve. 

I'm going along with the previous post and taking some me time tonight. While I do have a huge Marketing test tomorrow at 9am, I'm going to leave that up to you guys to pray me through and take some time tonight to rest. I haven't studied as much as I should, but hey.. I studied a ton for the last one and I didn't exactly do awesome on it. So I've just given into it and I'm going to do my best and think through it. Memorizing for those tests never helps... Except for those five steps in order. Err... maybe I should study those after I get off. :) 

I got completely off topic. This weekend has been lovely. I spent most of Saturday at church babysitting, and all of this morning at church for worship, then again this evening at church babysitting. This weekend has been filled with the beautiful reminders of the way kids view life, and I needed that. I'm t-minus three weeks until I get to go home and be with my family for spring break. (YES!!!) But I was thinking today about how much I wish away the days. Tomorrow I'm already wishing to be over because of that test and an interview. But guess what? Tomorrow is a day I can give completely to the Lord! I can praise His beautiful name and share His love with students all over this campus. I don't have to be grumpy. I don't have to be stressed. My day can be wonderful and filled with as much happiness that I am willing to throw in. 

Friday I came back from Pure Joy and walked in the door giggling at my best friends happiness. I told them some news and I quickly turned the light happy mood into frustration and stress. That hit me like a brick and I broke down crying when one of my friends approached me about it. Then it came out--I have been punishing myself for some past sin. I have pushed myself into thinking that I DESERVE to suffer, and that is a lie that satan wants me to believe. I cried it out and praised the Lord for His mercy in revealing this to me. It was a big deal for me, and maybe this comment about it will help you to see that whatever you may be going through, God is NOT EVER using it to punish you. That has already been paid on the cross! I may have totally screwed up, but because of a repentant heart and the mercy our Lord shows, I am CLEAN of it ALL. There isn't any bit of it that He is looking in disgust at and saying "She needs to go through xyz because of this!!" We serve a God of so much grace and mercy. Rest in that. 

I love you guys. I know I have become distant here at school, but I love and think of you all often. I pray you are resting in His grace this evening, and if you are not, that some bit of this helped you to find that grace. 

Love, 
Elizabeth 

Quiet Time

It's been forever...

I was lying on my roommates bed trying not to completely break down crying and trying to vent what was on my heart. I decided to vent it on here, because that is, after all, where I so often used to.

My schedule this semester is challenging. I'm taking 19 credit hours, but they might as well be 21 since I am taking 7 classes. They like to tell you that one credit classes aren't that hard. They lie, I promise. You still do just as much work for a one credit class as you do a three credit class.

My schedule is as follows:
Elementary Spanish 8:00 MWF
Principles of Marketing 9:00 MWF
Accounting 1 10:00 MWF
Lifetime Wellness 11:00 MW
Intro into Graphic Arts 2:00 MWF

Mathematical Inquiry 8-9:30 TR
Composition 1 9:30-11:00 TR

Work:
11-4 TR
A weekend:
Friday 11-1:45
Saturday 6-11:30 (Lately it has been 6-1:30 because of the amount of work needed done)
Sunday 6-11:30

So writing that down, that doesn't seem like too much. But add in convocations, club events, projects for class, chapel, ARTOS, and off campus work it get's overwhelming.

Silly me. Last semester I thought I'd be set for this semester. "Oh I can easily take seven classes, work off campus, and be more involved this semester." Well my semester may have been a little more easy if I had gotten that job I was so set on where I could spend 15 hours a week on the clock studying for those seven classes. But God didn't want me in that position, so I stayed at work. Physically and emotionally draining work.. What had I gotten myself into?

A lot of hardships. I'm on week six of the semester. Just three weeks away from midterms and I am panicking with the amount to be done. So much that I'm finally getting to the point of this post:

I have made myself to believe that quiet time, resting time, any time that I have extra outside of class and work is homework time. I study constantly. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, 12:30-1:50, 3-9:0 Tuesdays and Thursdays, 4:30-9:30. Last semester I was happy about the fact that my work schedule was changing to working later in the day so I wouldn't be up at 5am anymore. That's not how things worked out. I am up almost every day at five studying. Two weeks ago, five hours of studying went to Accounting alone.

Today I got back from a hard morning, and saw a note from my roommate. "Try and make some quiet time for you and God today, I'm praying for you. James 1:2-3". I started crying, frustratingly thinking, "I can't! All I have time for is studying!!" Then God decided it was a great time for learning. Sometimes, in the midst of your busy semester, you have to stop. I have put my semester above God. Thinking if I just do good on that test or quiz, it'll be ok and I'll be stronger. Just to find out that I have been starving myself of the ONE and ONLY thing that *will* make me stronger! I associated any time not spent studying as myself being lazy and being a bad person. When taking a break to breathe and rest in the Lord and in His word is just what I need. How can I get stronger if I do not have these things?

I cannot.

Here is my prayer: Lord, please help me. Please show me that taking time to dive into Your word and breathe and rest in you is not being lazy. Help me learn to study better outside of the time I spend resting in You. Help me to learn to be more attached and in love with You. Help me, Father. I have no more strength in my own body.

Love,
Elizabeth

As of Late

Hello dear ones,

I am sorry for such a lack of postings over the summer. My summer was pretty swamped and so much has happened. I am home today, as I am on Tuesdays and Thursday so I can get as much school in as I can while still working. Work has been pretty stressful, and as I am into my work and care a lot about the company I work for, I deal with it all the time. I am praying for the company and the positions that we are in right now. That by His grace, things will be good and that we will make it through this rough patch. God is bigger than these problems and people- I know that He is.

The 10th passed by this last Saturday. It started out pretty rough. But in the end, we all had a good day and a nice time together. I am still sad that even now, some people still need the attention and how they do things towards us in order to get that. I pray for their souls and relationships.

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed this morning. I have so much to do, and no time to get it all done. I have to buckle down and work, work, work for as far as I can see. Some days I just get overwhelmed and long for heaven so much. I think this morning is one of those mornings.

I know that being this stressed is not good for me at all. For the first part stress and worry IS SIN. IT is sin over, and over, and over again, no matter way you look at it. God is handling everything just the way it needs to be handled, and in a beautiful way that brings Him the glory! Why should I want anything other? Well, because I am a human. Because I want things that make ME happy, and that make ME feel good. But that is not what I want, by God's grace. I want HIM to be glorified and HIM to be praised. Stress affects me physically, as well. Normally I break out with a virus or get sick to my stomach and lose my appetite for several days, but this time, it broke out with Strep B, which resulted in 104 degree fevers on the way home from AR last weekend. Mama took me in to the dr. last Tuesday and they didn't know what was wrong with me until they sent the results out. Mama found out that Strep B stays in your system forever if you have it, but it also flares in various ways-- my stress is the flare cause and so that is why I have been getting sick so much. I was down for about 5 days with that, but I am doing better now and back at work again. I am thankful for God's provision in these things.

Even as I sit here on the couch on this beautiful morning, I can see all of the beauty that Christ is working this morning. My stress level is lower already after prayer and meditation on Him, writing here, and some issues at work being almost resolved.

Please pray, friends. I need it so much right now.

I love you all so very, very much.

Elizabeth Kara